Ventilation

What to do when you're at odds.. when you'retorn between your heart and your head.. when your thoughts are clouding your better judgment.. You need to just vent.

It's so hard to have your guard up, while also willing to take a chance, to open up yourself to someone and love them. You never know if the picture a person paints is real. If the words and conversations you think are specially made for you, are in fact just repetitive lines said to a few. You never know someones intentions, or what their motives were during that first encounter when you met..You never know unless you make a choice.. take that step toward it or take that step past it.. You can win or lose either way.

Who's to blame? WHAT'S to blame, for so many attempts at forced relationships? Many have their own opinions on who the finger should point to, but maybe the problem is perhaps, lack of communication.. maybe? I guess.. Mixed signals and lost words.. Closed mouths don't get fed, that's where the starvation begins and of course, Open mouths take too much, that's where the greed kicks in.. One person with the upper hand, while the other person is waiting for that next call.. the go ahead on that next move..

In most cases, it's the guy who has the upper hand. He says whether the relationship will go a step further into something more serious or if it'll just dwindle down to something non existent. He gives the option.. These types of men are usually the hardest to tie down. Females always want to be the ones to put a lock and chain on Mr. Stubborn, the most resistant, the biggest bachelor.. Just to make a project out of him.. just so we can say we're the ones that did the "unthinkable". we're the ones that did "it". You do anything in your power to be the apple in his eye, you become loyal, giving, and trusting.. putting your all out there. You go to the highest of heights to make a smile appear on his face, in hopes that he'll return the favor and your smile mirrors his. You want to be able to show him different things and be the one to open up his eyes, make love to his mind. You want to be happy..with him. I get it, and maybe I've been guilty of the same attempts. But then what happens when that guy doesn't give in, doesn't do things the way we planned for and leaves us with the hurt and pain? We're so quick to blame him. Not really going over the days in our minds when there were NO signs of there ever being a real you and him.. him and I.. a "we".. an "us". Not really seeing what was in your heart, wasn't in his. Now what?

Women who have the upper hand are usually the sexual types, the sex pots I call them.. the one every guy lusts after because the appeal of her is so strong. She puts on this show, with her seductive eyes and her sly smile.. the idea of having her is so great that they will do anything for her, even if it means making a fool out of themselves.. they'll do everything for just a touch. Most of the times these girls are (dare I say it) artificial. Just mere mirages of something that's not even there. Men tend to chase these types of women in hopes of them being the women of their dreams.. a lot of the times leaving the woman of reality behind.. They pursue these females and once they get a taste of what they've been thirsting for, they still end up with dry mouths.. still thirsty. So, Who's winning?

Sometimes us women will paint such a pretty picture of the guy we want to be with, overlooking all the red lights, that's telling us to stop.. all the signs of what could never be. No happily ever after for you.. once again.. And sometimes men just make stupid mistakes, tending to not get the picture, even though it was painted so beautifully and drawn so precisely for them. They do get it eventually.. when the picture is no longer theirs and their looking over the shoulders of another.

I am no expert. This is not a bash. There's no bitter feelings behind this. I'm just a girl trying to figure out what's it all about? This relationship thing. Am I supposed to tell the man that I've grown to adore so much, who I've gradually let in.. little by little.. how I feel without reservation? or am I entitled to hold back the most important piece of information that can either make or break us? Am I wrong for wanting to walk away, when something that he does isn't what I approve of?.. should I stay even if it may hurt? Are certain words better left unsaid? What's the point of showing that you care if you're not sure that it will be reciprocated? Are you supposed to jump out the window or are you supposed to stay still with both feet glued to the ground? In what direction should I take a step? I'm just looking for answers just like everybody else.