Timing is everything.. Isn't it?

Is there such a thing as the "perfect time" ? And if so, how would you know? That project you always wanted to start, the course you want to take, that trip you would like to go on.. when do you know if it's the right time to do any of those things? Is there some sort of sign? The subject of timing comes up often in romantic relationships as well. It's always a hard pill to swallow, when the one you like, or love, tells you they can't be with you the way that you would like them to because it's just not the right time. Really? When will it be?

Time is an illusion to me. It prevents us from doing the things that we want, and from living our lives to our greatest abilities. We're too busy worrying about not having enough time, that we do things hurriedly, and impatiently. It makes it easy for us to put things and people that matter to us on the back-burner. It provides us with excuses for why we can't do something, or why we won't. We are able to effectively place blame on this thing called time because it's convenient, everyone can understand and relate, therefore it won't be held against us. 

We are obsessed with a Future that doesn't exist. That may or may not happen. We fear it, we hope for it, we put all of our trust, and faith in it. But does it really do us any good? We have this same kind of obsession with the Past. Based on what happened to us or those we know, we tend to make decisions and judgments based on what our memory serves us. It's our defense. But while it is seen as protection and can prevent us from making the same mistakes, it can also hold us back from experiencing great things. The Past and Future are major influences in our lives today but are also our biggest downfalls. Everything you've done up until this point, may have been because of your past experiences and what you hope or worry that the future may bring. But what about today? The present moment, the most relevant, tends to get overlooked. No one appreciates it. No one savors it. Yet that's all we ever have. Every day brings about a new opportunity but if we're not paying attention, we miss them. Your obsession with the Past and Future makes it hard for you to be grateful. Makes it even harder for you to be mindful. You are out of touch with reality. You're not as compassionate to those surrounding you. All because you're consumed with this concept of Time. 

Start living your lives presently. Pay attention to what's around you.. and become more aware of the people/things that you put off, or treat poorly. Once you do you will start to see major changes. The things you failed to notice, will suddenly become clear. You will begin to smile more, love more, and finally live the way that you're supposed to. Your relationships will flourish. Success will come abundantly. Certain things will just take on a whole new meaning. You will no longer feel the constraints of Time. Get rid of this illusion because Life only seems short when you fail to appreciate what's in it. 

"It's This One Thing That's Got Me Tripping".. Relationship Reality Check

Guru? Far from it. I'm no expert at anything, trust me.. And I damn sure don't have the answers on "how to gain a guy/girl in 10 days", BUT what I do know is that there's one itty bitty factor that most people tend to overlook, when trying to find the "perfect" person. Themselves. The biggest problem with people today is that their high standards, their want for someone who is perfect overall, doesn't quite match their own.. umm.. perfection? :-/. You know, the ladies who want a gentleman with his stuff together but lives a life that screams, "Ain't-Shit-Guys Only". Or, how about the guys who want, I guess, a Goddess -- classy/sexy/educated/independent/homemaker, etc-- but in reality.. he ain't shit. Hmmm. The bottom line, kiddos: you are who you attract. The things you hate most in those who you've dated, believe it or not, are a reflection of the person looking in the mirror *shocker*. You may be going over in your head all the qualities that you hated in your ex, saying to yourself that you couldn't possibly be like that miserable bitch or that good for nothing asshole. But guess what? that's just something called DENIAL and the truth of the matter is, to some extent you are like them. And this applies to not only romantic relationships but relationships in general. Always remember that what you point out in others as a flaw, or a deep dislike for, is something that lies in you as well (Truth's stinging you a little bit huh?).

Now is the time to really be aware. Who are your friends? Who are you surrounding yourself with most? What kinds of situations do you find yourself in? Who are these people that you date? How do those relationships end up? What are your other relationships like? Look around you. Look inside of you. The type of guys/girls that you meet will always be the same unless YOU change. So, there. That's the first step to attaining the relationship that you want. Change. All the things that you would like in a partner, you must first, become. You want to be in a honest, loving relationship? practice honesty and be love. You want a partner who's successful? Strive for your own successes. Exude the rarity that you seek, if the kind of love you dream, is like no other. BE the person that you would want to be with.

And that my friends, is the start to a relationship, fulfilled.

Ventilation

What to do when you're at odds.. when you'retorn between your heart and your head.. when your thoughts are clouding your better judgment.. You need to just vent.

It's so hard to have your guard up, while also willing to take a chance, to open up yourself to someone and love them. You never know if the picture a person paints is real. If the words and conversations you think are specially made for you, are in fact just repetitive lines said to a few. You never know someones intentions, or what their motives were during that first encounter when you met..You never know unless you make a choice.. take that step toward it or take that step past it.. You can win or lose either way.

Who's to blame? WHAT'S to blame, for so many attempts at forced relationships? Many have their own opinions on who the finger should point to, but maybe the problem is perhaps, lack of communication.. maybe? I guess.. Mixed signals and lost words.. Closed mouths don't get fed, that's where the starvation begins and of course, Open mouths take too much, that's where the greed kicks in.. One person with the upper hand, while the other person is waiting for that next call.. the go ahead on that next move..

In most cases, it's the guy who has the upper hand. He says whether the relationship will go a step further into something more serious or if it'll just dwindle down to something non existent. He gives the option.. These types of men are usually the hardest to tie down. Females always want to be the ones to put a lock and chain on Mr. Stubborn, the most resistant, the biggest bachelor.. Just to make a project out of him.. just so we can say we're the ones that did the "unthinkable". we're the ones that did "it". You do anything in your power to be the apple in his eye, you become loyal, giving, and trusting.. putting your all out there. You go to the highest of heights to make a smile appear on his face, in hopes that he'll return the favor and your smile mirrors his. You want to be able to show him different things and be the one to open up his eyes, make love to his mind. You want to be happy..with him. I get it, and maybe I've been guilty of the same attempts. But then what happens when that guy doesn't give in, doesn't do things the way we planned for and leaves us with the hurt and pain? We're so quick to blame him. Not really going over the days in our minds when there were NO signs of there ever being a real you and him.. him and I.. a "we".. an "us". Not really seeing what was in your heart, wasn't in his. Now what?

Women who have the upper hand are usually the sexual types, the sex pots I call them.. the one every guy lusts after because the appeal of her is so strong. She puts on this show, with her seductive eyes and her sly smile.. the idea of having her is so great that they will do anything for her, even if it means making a fool out of themselves.. they'll do everything for just a touch. Most of the times these girls are (dare I say it) artificial. Just mere mirages of something that's not even there. Men tend to chase these types of women in hopes of them being the women of their dreams.. a lot of the times leaving the woman of reality behind.. They pursue these females and once they get a taste of what they've been thirsting for, they still end up with dry mouths.. still thirsty. So, Who's winning?

Sometimes us women will paint such a pretty picture of the guy we want to be with, overlooking all the red lights, that's telling us to stop.. all the signs of what could never be. No happily ever after for you.. once again.. And sometimes men just make stupid mistakes, tending to not get the picture, even though it was painted so beautifully and drawn so precisely for them. They do get it eventually.. when the picture is no longer theirs and their looking over the shoulders of another.

I am no expert. This is not a bash. There's no bitter feelings behind this. I'm just a girl trying to figure out what's it all about? This relationship thing. Am I supposed to tell the man that I've grown to adore so much, who I've gradually let in.. little by little.. how I feel without reservation? or am I entitled to hold back the most important piece of information that can either make or break us? Am I wrong for wanting to walk away, when something that he does isn't what I approve of?.. should I stay even if it may hurt? Are certain words better left unsaid? What's the point of showing that you care if you're not sure that it will be reciprocated? Are you supposed to jump out the window or are you supposed to stay still with both feet glued to the ground? In what direction should I take a step? I'm just looking for answers just like everybody else.

The Single Life Huh?!

Dating. Talking. Messing. Whatever you want to call it. Whatever IT is. It's a pain in the ass. Single girl living in the Bronx..not really an ideal location to be looking for prospective boy toys because like every other place in NYC, the Bronx seems pretty microscopic when everyone seems to know *sigh* everyone... So then what's a girl to do??? I'll tell you what she does...She goes outside of her comfort zone, takes big girl steps into the unknown meets a guy who talks the talk and walks the walk of a potential but his mind just isn't where hers is (false advertising ass negro).. So she returns back to her original headquarters scratching her head with confusion, heart full of resentment, feeling defeated, misled and most importantly angry that valuable time wasted she can't get back. .. My generation has become filled with boys (yes boys) who don't want to be in committed relationships and girls who desperately seek them.. but of course because of the lack of male cooperation girls have to settle for dicks(okay dicks is a bit harsh,excuse me, guys) who just want to maintain non committed "fun" relationships... Since we're on the subject of "fun" what the hell does that consist of? Sex??? I assume.. but if it's all about sex then why not say that from the start? Using the word "fun" is portraying something false... Leading most girls to expect things they wont even come close to getting. I say most girls because there are girls out there who just want to have fun also but these type of girls are the ones labeled as whorish right? To some anyway... like i said if all the guy wants to do is "fuck, be friends, and live comfortably" then make it known that that is indeed all you want. Charming a girl into her panties may end up with both of you hurt cause lets face it girls can get a little crazy especially when they feel violated or hurt. I've been single for 2 years and I have to admit meeting and talking to new guys was exciting and daring at first but somewhere along the way it has become utterly annoying and quite dreadful. To meet a guy and hope that he doesn't end up being a jerk/an asshole/a creep and to find out that's exactly what you're getting is so frustrating and discouraging. I don't think this dating thing is for me at all. I'm not a promiscuous girl so I'm not willing to have sex with every guy i talk to and for the most part I am a total sweetheart (something that i have noticed is a BIG no no in dating central). I give all that i have when i have it and i almost NEVER take back and quite frankly this whole thing is quite draining.. you know.. going into something with so much confidence and hope just to have it not go the way you thought it would or planned for it to go... and maybe that's my problem... I put too much faith in people... I trust them to be better than what they really are... I deem my future pursuits as fairy tale worthy when in all actuality it's just one big nightmare waiting to happen... I indeed put too much thought into the ones who don't really think too much of me... and this is not only with guys, this is in general. I literally think there's a greater good in everyone (sadly). Maybe if my outlook on people differ then maybe i can get better results?... and this should be the case ESPECIALLY with guys. I am not at all bitter nor do i hate men. I love them. I just find it harder to appreciate their existence when they don't quite acknowledge ours. This is not all guys, certainly there are some good ones out there (I haven't encountered much of those :-D) and Girls of course aren't angels... we play our hand in this game and we sometimes deserve the cards that we are dealt BUT when is it enough? and when do we (both parties) start making serious situations out of them? Or better yet can we even attempt to make them serious? It seems there will be no satisfaction between the sexes because guys are looking for ideal women who are close to what they see as perfection (which they should know they probably will never get) while us girls are just satisfied with whatever makes us happy. Never adds up well because we're known to settle while guys are more so stubborn and will just continue to act like boys... continue to "chase skirt" (I'm quoting someone right there lol) and wait for their perfect girl. Once they realize the perfect girl is non existent or they won't get her that's when they start to grow up and focus on what they have/had right in front of them or who they are able attain. Sadly this process takes forever and their mind frame on relationships don't really mature till about 30 something (ha ha so much for that *lots of eye rolling going on right now*). So what's a girl like ME to do? Last night I thought this : Head in my books, heart in my work, soul in my family & friends...nothing left but my body for me. So with that said i don't really think i have anything left in me or of me to give to a guy who's not FOR me... :)

He Lives Through Me

Imagine going 23 years without seeing someone you were meant to see. Imagine 23 years of a big chunk of your life missing that important piece. 23 years ago my father was murdered and nothing can and will replace who he was supposed to be to me. He left behind family, friends. and most importantly Lacey. He has a beautiful granddaughter that he will never get to meet, a life of mine that he will never know. Pictures may mean 1000 words but pictures cannot replace an actual being. I once said I am not bitter about anything. I lied.The one thing that i am bitter about, that I've always been bitter about is the absence of the person who's presence may have mattered most in my life. He never got a chance to love me the way a father is supposed to love his little girl. I never got a chance to love him the way that i know a daughter is supposed to love her daddy... I don't want to make anyone cry most of all i don't want to be sad, i just want to pay homage to my dad.

There's a lot of things people should appreciate and one of them is life. Whatever opportunities you may have available to you be grateful and take advantage. Don't wait till its missing for you to realize that you want it. Sometimes you only get one shot.

R.I.P Lance Watts 7/10/1963-4/5/1987